Thinking Of You
by alesandra-gleek
Summary: It had been three years since Rachel left him yet he still couldn't move on.


**Just read what's on the last note. :-) And oh, please excuse any grammatical/spelling errors as I do not have beta! **

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Finn glanced up to see a good view of the tall buildings which were now proudly standing twenty feet high above the ground of Lima. He couldn't believe that this small, peaceful and a not so progressive town of Ohio before would now seem to be like New York as Lima was now considered a city. The previous farms and vacant lands he used to see were now gone as they were replaced by several establishments. Buildings can be seen here, there and everywhere. The whole city of Lima was almost filled with new enterprises. Ohio had changed a lot.

It had been many years since Finn Hudson left Ohio to pursue his dreams and all he wanted to do is to go back and cherish all the things that happened way back few years ago. Within those years were memories filled laughter, love, pain and sorrow. Those were the years when he is still young and fresh, still ignorant of the world's crazy drama. He finds it funny to recall all the precious moments he had spent in this small town of Ohio as he is now back to take a break from all the dilemma in San Diego. Ohio maybe new but the reminiscence were still lingered on his mind, as he slowly remembers everything but despite of how much he's trying not to remind himself of that one big circumstance that affected his whole life, he still couldn't get it off his mind.

Life had been pretty mean to him ever since Rachel, his ex-girlfriend left him. Well not to sound too head over heels over her, it had been three years since Rachel left him and he is sure, he hasn't get over it yet. Although, he tried to have many girlfriends which everyone thinks may help him forget her, he still couldn't bury Rachel in his heart and he doesn't know why. He just certainly knows that Rachel is different among the girls he had an affair with. Loving Rachel is just …_different_. Rachel may not be his first love, but Rachel will always be the best girlfriend he had and she had been the only one who made him feel _true love_. He knows it's crazy and pointless to think about her as he certainly knows she has a new and better life now. She probably had forgotten everything in her High School life because High School had been hell for her. Finn is sure she's enjoying every single moment of her life up there.

"Sir, we are already here." The taxi driver admonished. Finn was suddenly awoken on his little fantasy as he hands him a fifty dollar bill.

Slowly getting off the cab, he carries his luggage and stuff and politely thanked the cab driver. He watched him drove away as he steps closer.

He finds it unbelievable that right now, at this very moment, he is standing before Rachel's house not bothering if he looks stupid while ardently looking at her abandoned house. Her house still looks the same; it's still big and has many windows. It's odd, slightly old fashioned, over painted and _gloomy_. The fact that the people formerly living on it had gone away made him even lonelier. Her dads had already moved out of Ohio for good while Rachel is up there surely living her dreams out. The house looks miserable unlike the previous times when he would sneak up to look at Rachel.

Drawing closer to her house, he tried to knock but then he realized he's being silly as he clearly knows no one would answer it. Taking a deep sigh, he started walking around her house, heading to the backyard. For sure, no one would care to call the cops to report him about trespassing over the Berry's residence. Maybe, they don't even know who lives in this house so he continued walking. He makes his way up to the familiar pathway until he stopped walking, reaching the spot as he sits down, looking up as he knows she is watching him over there.

She is right there, buried six feet below the ground where he is practically sitting at. He tried to stop thinking about reality but he just can't.

He moves his eyes to stare at the headstone and engravings.

Rachel Barbra Berry

December 18, 1994- April 14, 2012

"Gone but never forgotten, especially by your fathers, friends and loved ones."

He lifted his hand to touch it as a big and black butterfly perched on the bouquets of red roses he is holding as a shaft of light shone and he clearly knows it's Rachel, acknowledging his visit. He weakly smiled and looked up, thankful that Rachel could still remember him.

"H-Hi, Rachel." He began talking but then he suddenly felt a divergent feeling or most likely, a nervous feeling because this will be the first time he will talk to her for the last three years. At first, he hesitated but he eventually calmed himself thinking that Rachel won't be happy if he will just stare at her grave. Besides, this will be the perfect time for him to talk to her. For sure, Rachel would like to hear some updates. Finn suddenly manage to put a weak smile on his face, laughing at the fact that Rachel may be already dead but she would always make him feel nervous.

"Uh… well, it's been a long time… since I had talked to you and saw you. Well, babe, the first thing I would tell you is that today is December 18. Yes, you heard it right babe, it's December 18, and if you were still alive you're 21 now. I can still remember this day back in 2011. Well, this is probably the best day of your life because it was your debut and I am your escort. I remember how I can't stop texting you the day before you celebrate it because I'm so excited to see what gown you are going to wear and about the stuff we're about to do. You had your debut on a very luxurious resort. You only invited me and the Glee club members because you want to keep it private. Your dads really want to invite other friends but you keep opposing so they followed what you want. Babe, trust me, you look absolutely stunning that night. Perhaps, that night was one of the best nights I've ever had too. You look so beautiful wearing that violet gown; how the folds emphasize your perfect body shape seems weird for me because the Glee guys won't stop looking at your perfect waist but as I gaze at it, I find you look even more beautiful and I can't blame them for doing that. I remember when the Glee Club rendered a song for us while we're dancing. I remember how you teased me with my dance moves as you keep saying that it is cool although it's really not. And then I stayed all night with you there as I took advantage of the situation when everyone went home and your dads left us. _Then we did some stuff and well that happened again_." Finn chose not to further elaborate what happened during that night because it hurts him so bad. Goosebumps started to fill over his skin, fighting the urge to break down and just pour out all he's feeling.

Finn gently placed the three bouquets of red roses on her grave. He then got his letters to her that he used to write while he's on San Diego as he places them beside the bouquets. "Happy birthday, Rach." He quietly added.

"To change the subject, a lot has changed and happened, babe. It is really devastating to tell that… you are the only one among all Glee Club Members who is still here in Ohio." Finn said with his voice in a deep and low tone.

"Can you believe that Puck's already in Los Angeles owning a very famous pool cleaning business? Well, Santana and Brittany had already settled down and now living their dreams in New York. Quinn had recently won various beauty pageants while Mercedes is currently working on her newest album to be released by the end of this month. Artie is studying in Stanford University to become a doctor. Tina and Mike have also become famous dancers as they are currently on the show, 'So You Think You Can Dance'. And Kurt? Well he had received tons and tons of Tony Awards and had worked on several broadways, babe. He's currently on Broadway along with Blaine. The play is called 'The Wicked'. This is one of your favourite plays, isn't it? I told you everything has changed babe. Even Ohio changed."

"And, uhhh… well, about me… uhh… Sam and I were now living in San Diego. We were both given a Football Scholarship and that explains why we are in San Diego. I don't know how will I auxiliary explain it to you. It just happened. It was summer and I can't find ways to forget you so… Sam and I had spent most of the time together and then we saw a football try out and scholarship. So Sam and I applied. Well the try outs were really hard and it surprised me that I was chosen to be one of those fortunate people who were given this scholarship. I know you are proud of me and I dedicate all my games to you because I know you were all always there watching and guiding me but… it really hurts me a lot to see that you are not in the benches to cheer me up. I wish I could see your beautiful face again because I really miss you, babe. I miss you. I miss everything about you." He looked up as he noticed that the sun is shining brightly, strengthening him to go keep going.

"Babe, now that I am already here, I have something to confess you. I don't know but a lot of people had told me this is good for me and it will help me a lot. Well, babe. I-I have a girlfriend now and her name is Carla. She's pretty. She's tall, blonde and hazel-eyed. However, I don't know if you'll like her because she is your mere opposite. Well, she hates singing and she thinks Broadway is lifeless. She's a lot like Quinn except the fact that she hates everything about music. We're dating for two months now b-but… when I'm with her… it's... it's different. Very different. Being with her is like... _seeing me dance_ because I honestly don't know what to do and how to go with all her craziness. I know I'm being so unfair to her but despite of being with her_; I still can't stop thinking of you_. I can't stop loving you, babe." Finn paused to wipe the tears that are running down his eyes.

"I love you so much, Rach. I wish I can tell this to you every day. I still love you and I miss you every single moment of every single day. People keep telling me that I should get over with you but I simply couldn't. I can't refrain myself from loving you and I wish you still love me even you're now up there. I've only kissed Carla once but when I kissed her, I didn't feel something. Instead, it made me even crazier to think that I will never have the chance to kiss you again because you are already… dead, buried six feet below the ground and enjoying your new life with God. When I miss you, I just think that you'll be so much happier there because you don't have problems unlike here. It's just …_I think I will never get over with you_ and I simply couldn't believe I had managed to live for three horrible years without you and I don't know how will I make it for another year again." Finn stopped for a moment as he is now crying desperately, putting his hands on his face, like what he's been doing every night since Rachel died.

"Every day, I would regret the fact that I didn't pay much attention to you. If I can just go back in time and change it, I would. Because I would have forgiven you so you didn't get upset and took that cab which brought you to death. You shouldn't be dead right now if I didn't act stupidly. You are supposed to be living your dream like all your friends but then the stupid driver took you away from us. And all of it would never happen if it wasn't for me. I'm so sorry, Rachel. I should have grown up that time so none of this would ever happen." Finn croaks.

"So, maybe this is all a punishment to me. And I don't think I can make it for another year because everyday I'm dying. And it's killing me that you no longer exist. I don't know how will I survive another year without you. I… I miss you so much, Rachel."

"I miss you. And I will forever be regretting the shit I've done."

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**So… I was once again fuelled up to write due to all your reviews and tweets. This is my first Finchel Fic and I'm sorry if it contains a lot of drama which you least expected because I used to write fluffy stories. I'm actually not quite sure with this one. Well anyway, I hoped I did an amazing job as a writer here although I know I didn't. I know I've made stupid mistakes here so please tell it to me!_ PLEASE DO REVIEW OR TWEET ME!_**

**Okay, here's the thing: I'm currently working on an Alternative Universe Monchele Fic. And I couldn't step aside my skepticism about this. I don't want to spoil my efforts on the story and the story is basically hard to write. It's really hard to think of a good plot and I don't want to blow it away. And what makes me feel doubtful about this is getting a few reviews again! It's not that your reviews aren't appreciated but I think the number of reviews I got is still not enough. (By the way, thank you very much to all who reviewed and tweeted me! I really appreciate it and provided me an inspiration to write this. AND OH IF YOU HAVEN'T READ MY AUTHOR'S NOTE, PLEASE READ IT NOW! IT'S ON MY STORIES! **

**So… if you think I had somehow made you feel emotional in this story, drop a review or tweet me or both and if you will like me to post the AU Fic, do what I mentioned! **

**THANK YOU VERY MUCH! I LOVE YOU ALL!**

**With love,**

**Alessandra **


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